I’ve been told more than once now that because the Scriptures contain stories of violent revenge and conquest, and since Christ is going to come again to unleash bloody justice upon unbelievers, that perhaps I should question my objections to a movie that invites us to find pleasure in the onscreen disfigurement, dismemberment, and destruction of Nazis.

So, here’s my pitch for Tarantino’s next movie:

Jesus comes back.

He raises his original apostles from the dead.

They’re the Shekinah Glourious Basterds.

He arms his apostles.

Then he raises the Jews and Romans who were there on Calvary as he died.

He and the Glourious Basterds then capture and crucify every one of those responsible for putting him on the cross in the first place. He pardons Judas, in his mercy, but carves a 666 into his forehead so everyone will know what he did.

Why not? It’s *catharsis*! It’s great cinema! And it’s only a movie! And if he does it right, I’m sure it will be a fine critique of the culture of violence.

And since there’s Old Testament precedent for the Almighty assigning men and women to carry out bloody atrocities in the name of revenge, I really don’t see a problem here. I mean, Jesus is gonna come back with a big sword and splash the guts of his enemies all over creation, right?

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